In general, all women, especially Southern women, are trained to keep their anger to themselves. My upbringing was in the South, I was the daughter of a divorced man. I had a good relationship with my dad, my step-mom, my step-brother and my grandparents.
I didn’t see any of the argue or get angry. If I, on occasion, said something in anger I was quickly and sharply reprimanded.
If You Are a Nice Girl, You Don’t Get Angry – Right?
I learned to repress the anger that I felt at all times. By my late twenties, I found there was a great way to do this: wine! I loved family holidays as they were a time that wine, margaritas and Bloody Marys were in good supply. At times I would be sick the next morning but I was always so lovely – never having feelings of anger or anything really.
After a while, when I had a long-term relationship and owned a home with my boyfriend I would get myself drunk and then have a major anger vent at home over matters that I wasn’t able to talk about when I was sober. There was one night that I threw a full glass of wine across the kitchen. It made such a mess with shards of glass everywhere (it made me see that if you are about to throw a glass of wine, its good to make sure it’s white and not red).
The more anger I felt – in my work, at my boyfriend, even towards my family – the more I turned to alcohol. I had no idea how to communicate, all I knew was how to smile in a lovely fashion when I was sober and how to drink in a bar to the point of almost passing out or at home before flying into a fit.
The 5 Ways You Can Calm Your Rage
When sober, I learned how to deal with my rage in a healthy way. Thanks to my support group at Plymouth Road to Recovery Group, as well as a few close friends, I learned several things.
1) Communication Should Always be Kept Open
If you are feeling angry at your friend, a family member or someone else, find yourselves a bit of quiet time. See if they a willing to talk about it. That stops emotions from getting repressed.
2) Look for Healthy Ways That You Can Release the Negative Energy
Go for a run do yoga, even just take a walk.
3) Make Plans In Advance
If you know that a potential anger situation is looking make sure that you plan in advance for it.
4) Have a Chat With Someone Who Is Not Involved
A therapist is a good option or a trusted friend who is not in the middle of things.
5) When Rage is Boiling Up, Forgive Yourself
Feeling rage is a normal human emotion. Do not feel angry at yourself for being angry. Give yourself …